| Tuesday, October 31, 2006 |
| 10 Things I did with/to the kid that I swore I never would |
Ten Things I did with/to the kid that I swore I never would:
1. Put headbands around her head
2. Kept talking about her to my friends
3. Stored 63 pictures of her in my mobile
4. Took a 3 minutes video of her doing er... nothing
5. Made funny faces at her so that she will make one
6. Sang Twinkle Little Star to her over and over
7. Left office on-the-dot to get home before she went to bed
8. Developed her pictures for her grandies, cousins, and my friends
9. Dressed her in pink from top to bottom
10. Walked pass her crib many times so that I would not miss her waking upLabels: list, motherhood |
posted by Chris @ 12:00 am  |
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| Monday, October 30, 2006 |
| I'll Take Everything in Pink! |
 This kid has got lots of outfits. She has clothes that she has overgrown and not worn. She has new ones for Christmas and for when she is three years old. Lots of hand-me-downs for this girl. The shopaholic in me has withdrawals. There are so many cute outfits out there. I have to pinch myself silly to leave the stores without buying more clothes for her. I guess I don't pinch myself hard enough because I got this tiny pink (there can be no other colour, right?) top for her. Doesn't she look happy in it? Well, she better be : ) Oh! Oh!! And I have not began on shoes for babies. OMG! Labels: buying, motherhood |
| posted by Chris @ 8:39 pm |
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| Tuesday, October 24, 2006 |
| Baby Luck |
We just came back from my cousin's wedding, and the kid had behaved badly. She was cranky and out-of-sorts. My aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives were greeted by a totally disagreeable. She cried. Whined and struggled. There were tears, shrikes and all the works (visual and audio). Even Aunite Linda who has the best "baby-hands" in the famly, handled a un-pacified kid back to me.
Wil thinks that it is attributed to teething (to the life of me, I don't see the tinest signs of pearly white emerging from her gums!). My sister, who claimed that she observed the irritable kid and gave her assessment as - the kid needs to be started on solids. My parents, nonchalent as usual, did not give any suggestions or make any hypothesis. Me? I am just plain sad. The kid is not feeding well for two days. I am not sure why but it kills me to see her reject the bottle during each and every one of her feeds.
Our good friends Irwan and Alyssia said that they are lucky - Sonia is such an aggreable kid. They concluded that having an easy kid boils down to luck. Can I say that we are unlucky because our kid is so "difficult". She is more challenging yes. But you know what - we are lucky our kid is assertive and let us know what she needs and wants. She is definitely a fighter and demands our attention. Would I respond to a kid who is quiet and meek? Our kid is a survivor because right from the straight, she knows we are inexperienced and she needs to magnify her needs. Our baby is a one good baby : )Labels: motherhood, teething |
| posted by Chris @ 7:03 pm |
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| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 |
| My One and Only You |
Two weeks ago I read "Raising Babies" by Steve Biddulph. It mentioned that little kids need to have one/two care-givers who are constant figures in their lives. My colleague remembered what I shared with him and showed me an article on a research (done in Singapore) that prove this fact.
I am guilty for not being the constant figure for my kid. While I know I need to be there for her, I am unable to unwrap myself from my own security blanket. Am I willing to quit my job and take up the new role of being my kid's constant? The answer right now is no. Having a kid has changed my life big time, but being a working mom sort of make it less disruptive. I do not have the courage to quit my job. For all I know, I may jolly well suck in the new job. To those moms and dads who chose to stay home with their kids, I saluate you!
We have been raised by a generation of women who wanted their kids to have the education they did not have. Females in my mother's generation have to give up higher education and start work young so that their male or younger siblings could attend schools. Since girl-hood, my generation was told we have it good because we could stay in school. We had the right too. We were contributing to the nation and hone when we joined our mothers and sisters in the workforce.
Over time, our self-worth was partially measured through the type of certification awarded to us or the job title we held. I am proud of what I am today because I know my mother approves of where I am.
In invisible ways, we modelled ourselves to be like our hardworking and long-suffering mothers who toiled in and out of the house. We told ourselves we have to work harder and longer than our mothers. This is why we are here now. A generation of women who chooses infant care centres over home care, formula over breast milk. We read books on baby care and post-natal depressions; than choose to stay with extended families who will provide the care and support. We deposit our newborns and return to work the moment our maternity leaves end (I know of women who return to work early, by their own choice). We say it is easier to perform well at work and parenting is a greater challenge. Our mothers wanted the best for us and that to them is how much we can provide for our kids. I think mothers in my generation are starting to realise that our kids require provision in the intangibles. I just heard that one colleague's wife home-tutors their kids. We are moving back to how things have been for centuries, before Industrialisation, before the world wars. When families are united and complete. When kids' constants are their parents.
My kid has made me realise how inadequate I am to be her mother. I realised that the gap to fill is how should not be measured by how much I could afford to buy her, but rather how much time I could spend with her. Bringing up Tara means being there for her. This I must work on.
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Not always there for you, baby
Children need a consistent caregiver, or they run greater risk of mental problems: Survey
Tan Hui Leng
huileng@mediacorp.com.sg
Today Paper, Wednesday, 18 October 2006
A PIECE of granny's wisdom has just got some scientific backing: When a child's growing up, nothing quite beats a parent being around.
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For many households, that is simply not feasible. For the more unfortunate ones, it can also have quite painful consequences.
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This was revealed in an Institute of Mental Health (IMH) survey of over 2,000 children in primary schools, as well as their parents, conducted over a three-year period. Children who were looked after primarily by domestic maids or at daycare centres were twice as likely to develop mental health problems, compared to those cared for by their parents.
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"Such children get less psychological support from their parents and the quality of care from their caretakers may differ," said Dr Bernadine Woo, the principal investigator of the study. "The results are quite significant."
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And they may also be depressing for working mothers. But the study throws up enough pointers to guide those who have no choice but to let others look after their children.
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The key, according to IMH's deputy chief of child and adolescent department, Dr Daniel Fung, is that a child's primary caregiver should be there for him consistently. This is particularly important in the first six years of a child's life.
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So, should a child be sent to a daycare facility, ideally, the same person should be assigned to care for him every day. The same goes for maids.
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"You can have a very good maid who is very devoted to the child — but after three or four years she leaves and of course it's a big blow to the child, because the child has formed an important attachment to her," said Dr Ken Ung, a noted psychiatrist in private practice.
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This is especially so as children suffer from stranger anxiety between the age of nine months and three years, said child psychiatrist Brian Yeo. It's for this reason that even orphanages now try to have the same daily caregivers for children.
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"Whenever a child is stressed he will always think about the consistent figures in his life and whether there's a good mother figure as a source of comfort," said Dr Yeo. "If you always come back to a place where there are different people looking after you then you also feel very insecure."
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Sometimes, these problems are transient, as parents step in to shower a child with extra attention once his favourite maid has left. Other sudden absences are more difficult to overcome.
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The study — whose results were presented at this year's National Healthcare Group's Annual Scientific Congress — found, for example, that children with single, divorced, widowed or deceased mothers are three times as much at risk of developing mental health problems as other children.
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Dr Ung mentioned the case of a six-year-old girl he treated last year. She was brought up by her paternal grandmother after her parents divorced. The girl went into depression, threw tantrums and refused to go to school. .
"Five or ten years down the road, she may still carry the scars," said Dr Ung.
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If a central caregiver fades from a child's life, the insecurity can stretch into adulthood. "The child may conclude that 'good things never last, I can't feel secure; even if things are good, they may get taken away'," said Dr Ung.
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Children with multiple caregivers sometimes end up being defiant, telling lies or throwing tan-trums, noted Mrs Seah Kheng Yeow, the deputy director of Fei Yue Family Service Centre.
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The anecdotal evidence is now backed by the first child mental health epidemiology study ever done in Singapore, and it could well influence the planning of support services for the 10 to 15 per cent of children aged between 6 and 12 years who are at risk.
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The study also found that boys face a higher risk of developing emotional and behavioural problems than girls. Those with lower IQs also were three times as much at risk compared to those with higher IQs.
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The risk was also higher for children with fathers of lower educational levels.
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Armed with statistics, the group will present its findings to the authorities so that the more vulnerable children can be offered a stronger safety net.
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| posted by Chris @ 2:59 pm |
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| Tuesday, October 10, 2006 |
| To feed a flu and strave a fever |
(This entry is made up of several sub-entries that are related because they happened today and they are all on health.)
BUG OFF I have the flu. This is really crappy as I hate being sick! (Who does right?) As much as I tried to keep the bug away, it found me. The best way to get better I found, is to drink large quantities of fluids, put on sweat pants and pullovers, close the bedroom’s door and windows, crawl under the covers and basically sweat it out while drinking even greater quantities of fluids. Oh it sucks to be clammy all over, but it sucks even more to be sick. Is it “feed a flu and starve a fever” or the other way around? I hope it is the former as I’m having the flu and I am eating again. Dinner was barely two hours ago. DOCTOR DOCTOR I AM SICK Wil said I looked and sounded ill today. He wanted me to visit the doctor. Getting a prescription to me, is like buying a pair of shoes that I know I am not wearing. I strongly believe we have natural abilities return our bodily functions back to normal levels. Hence, there is no need for chemical intervention. Our bodies must be given the chance to use its own resources to fix itself. Stop doing that and the body forgets how to self-repair. I did not go to the doctor today. My body is great.. It knows what to do… My mind is calm and rested... My body heals itself gently and effectively… I trust my body to know what to do... I am getting better because my body knows what to do… IRRESISTIBLE My nose is dripping and I can’t stop it. It even goes off when I am doing nothing. I do not wish to pass anything to the kid. Yet, I am weak… She made me feel special when she threw open her arms and smiled the moment I got home. I played with her, fed, wipe and cuddle her. I just can’t keep away. DaD-In-LaW The only time I get to be alone with my dad-in-law is when I volunteer to take him to the hospital. Well, he had to go to the hospital today because he needed x-rays of his oesophagus and stomach. I treasure the opportunity to interact one-on-one with him and we have good conversations without any awkward pauses. Today we talked about cars (buying, owning and driving them), the haze (I shared my theory on why the haze got better last Sunday – the farmers rests on Sundays), his health (this is a big thing to him) and what we think about doctors (the young versus the old ones). We are similar that way – we can have conversations with a shoe rack. While I have this memory of him, I hate to think that they always involve trips to the hospital. We need to go out more, to places that are fun.
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| posted by Chris @ 10:32 pm |
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| Sunday, October 08, 2006 |
| Speak Easy |
FREEDOM
OF SPEECH MEANS THE FREEDOM TO DISAGREE
Wil’s cousin and his wife are expecting their first baby in February. A girl as well. We just spent an hour and a half talking to them. While I am thrilled for them, it is sad to see another pair moving from couple-hood to parenthood. Somehow, the two of you get less interesting. You become conjoined and talk incessantly about this soon-to-be person. That or you give hour-by-hour descriptions about what you do with the very unreasonable and sometimes disagreeable little creature. You cease to be you. You become a narrator for that someone who-can-yet-speak-for-itself. You realise that you seek the companionship of those who are alike. When parents meet, the conversations gyrate towards their kids or soon-to-be kids. Are there any statistical study done to measure the percentages? What is the deviation, if any? There can’t possibly be a number small enough to reflect this variation. Conception (or realising conception) reduces parents’ ability to make coherent chatter on matters beyond the kid. It is depressing to admit that I help prove this hypothesis as true. I catch myself deliberately switching conversations from her, despite yearning to mention her in every sentence I speak. Here, I have this kid who is very much attached to my life, yet I wish to keep my individualism. To hold on to the old single-hood and couple-hood me. Somehow, I can’t convince myself. Detached parenthood is like a paradox. Give me my freedom of speech. I choose to speak on her. Labels: motherhood |
| posted by Chris @ 11:28 pm |
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| Monday, October 02, 2006 |
| I can see clearly now |
I caved. I visited the doctor. I relented. I took medication. It's been the longest time since I took any oral medicaton. But no thanks to the haze, brought to us by southernly winds over the forest fires in Indonesia. I have been trouble breathing for two weeks. My nose is so sentive I could give a very accurate extimate of the PSI. It's been two weeks and my condition is not getting better.
Just came back from the doctor. He said I am wheezing. Doctor gave me steriods, which I asked if would make me bloat. He assured me that only if I were take them for two consequtive weeks. He even wanted to prescribe me with an inhaler, which I politely declined. I will still let to use my body to get better. I only needed a little kick-start over the inertia.Labels: sick |
| posted by Chris @ 10:06 pm |
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